Oh snap! A non-otome game post while I avoid that one T&R again!
Everything I knew about Portal before I played Portal:
- “The cake is a lie”
- You use this gun to make blue and orange oval portals
- There’s a very insulting computer named GLaDOS
- There’s a “Companion Cube” with hearts on it
- Those oval standing robots are called “turrets”.
As popular as the Portal franchise is, I obviously didn’t know a lot about it. I didn’t really look into it or anything because, at that time, I didn’t have an Xbox or have any particular interest in the game. Back when Steam was having one of their sales last year, a friend of mine pestered me into buying the Portal Bundle. Pretty much being the only person out of everyone I know who hasn’t played it, I thought it wouldn’t be a bad idea to go ahead and buy it. I’m not much of a PC gamer since I don’t have a desktop computer or a gaming laptop, so I did have initial doubt where I wondered whether I should just wait to get it for Xbox. But since it was less than $10, I thought, “Why not?” and purchased it.
And it had been sitting in my Library since then. At least until yesterday.
[SPOILERS AND SCREENSHOTS AHEAD!]
While my internet was being screwy, I thought I’d play a game to let off some steam. I initially thought of playing Unreal Tournament, but decided to finally give Portal a chance. It was already installed at that point, so why not? When I launched it from the icon on my desktop, it turned out that it hadn’t even installed yet. Ok? I GUESS! After the installation, I went ahead and launched it, changed the settings to my liking (window mode FTW!), and then started the game.
So, here I am getting excited that I finally get myself to play this game and waiting patiently for it to load, and then I see it.
And the window says…
Portal 2.
FLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP
Why I had Portal 2 installed is still something that plagues me today, because I haven’t even played the first one, and I don’t like not going in order! Queue me uninstalling Portal 2 and installing Portal. Once I got myself set correctly this time, I launched the game.
And enter the Valve intro.
“Oh, my, gosh . . . !”
I will say this now. I am a coward. As such, I always end up tiptoeing around in games in fear that something is going to pop out and make me pass out. So it’s no surprise that JUST THE VALVE INTRO FREAKED ME OUT. And Elu was on call to hear it while playing Bioshock Infinite. Ouch.
So once I started the game, I just went along with the instructions and such. I really do like puzzles, and it had been a while since I played a puzzle game, so it was pretty refreshing. Until they got difficult, in which the only thing coming out of my mouth were “Oh my gosh, what do I do???”, “What now?”, “What the heck do I do now?”
And then once I figured it out, I’d just cover my face with my hands and call myself an idiot for not figuring it out sooner. Could I take any longer!?
At one point, not sure what I was supposed to do next, I landed in a rusty looking room.
????????????
And, a few seconds later, began to panic and asked Elu if this game ever starts to get creepy (in all caps and in panic mode). Still trying to figure it out, GLaDOS made me feel better by implying that I will be baked. And then there will be cake. HOW LOVELY. Though Elu told me that it doesn’t get creepy, that doesn’t stop me from walking on eggshells, unfortunately. At least until I realize I’m in the wrong room. So, what was the point of that? I have no clue.
Then Elu tells me that Left 4 Dead zombies make a cameo and will pop out.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
At this point, I am more frustrated than refreshed with the puzzles. Frustrated in a good way? In the way that makes me determined to find the answer as opposed to picking up my laptop and hurling it across the room. As soon as I’m able to figure out the puzzle, I find myself not knowing what to do again. I think I even messed up at one point and had to keep reloading saves to redo the level (after more comments from Elu about GLaDOS turning into a killer machine and eating me if I screw up).
I finally get to the last level, #19!
o/
I’m already thinking that it’s the end of the game and how it wasn’t so bad until
OH MY GOSH WHAT THE HELL
GLaDOS TRIES TO KILL ME BY BURNING ME ALIVE HOLY CRAP
After a few mess-ups on GETTING THE HECK OUT OF THERE, I called it quits for the time being. I DIDN’T ASK FOR THIS!
“PRETENDING” MY FOOT
It didn’t help, either, that SHE FREAKIN TRIES TO MAKE IT INTO A JOKE.
OR ATTEMPTS TO MAKE ME THINK I’M GOING THE WRONG WAY
Oh, but a FIRE PIT IS???
SHE’S DEFINITELY GOT HER PRIORITIES STRAIGHT
OR
!?!?
At this point, I wouldn’t have been surprised if those zombies popped out at any moment.
Because, you know . . .
!?!?
I GUESS????
At least she had a sense of humor?
VIOL-ent
Get it?
SHUT UP I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY
And I just LOVE her comments in the final room.
IS THAT GIR!?
The last room was definitely fun to do. Slow me, though, didn’t realize I was being timed. Once I realized that there was a timer on the screens, I bolted and was able to get the last core into the incinerator with only six seconds left. PHEW!
And then comes this.
WHAT IS THAT NOISE???
I have NO clue what that last noise was but oh my gosh.
And then this!
what
what
what is
WHAT
WHAT IS
COMPANION CUBE???
/SCREAMS
UHM!?
SO NOW I NEED TO PLAY PORTAL 2!
As my final thoughts, I have to say that while it was a good game and I did enjoy it, I didn’t feel the “awesome” that everyone tells me that it is. I don’t know. Elu says that “it was an amazing game for it’s time, then it got way bigger with Portal 2.” So maybe it’s because I played it so long after it’s initial release? I know that my expectations weren’t too high since, not knowing what I was getting into, I really couldn’t bring myself to expect anything more than that it would be a good game.
As for replay value, I think players would have fun doing the challenges and gaining the achievements after they’ve completed the main story. As for me, though, I don’t think I’ll be playing it again for the sake of playing it again. I tried to get the Radio Transmission(?) achievement, but after failing to get the fourth(?) one (in the test chamber where GLaDOS says you will be baked), I gave up and quit. I’m not an achievement collector, so I hardly ever bother with those once I finish the main story.
Also,
Congrats to this game for making me feel like a complete idiot!
Trying to get that one radio signal just made it worse.
Since Voltage’s games are on maintenance for an added hour, it looks like I can start Portal 2!
